I’ve got guts, unfortunately they’re are defective.
Now, I’m not one to put my health issues out for all and sundry to see. If I say I’m off to doctors my family worry because they know I must be feeling ill. I’ll say I’m fine and then change the subject.
Right now I feel down. I thought maybe writing it down might help, thinking someone somewhere maybe is feeling the same.
On the 27th Jan 2016 I had a colonoscopy , due to some changes in bowel movements. A Few days before the colonoscopy I went to A&E, blood loss was more than I’d ever seen before. The doctor said that we should wait for result of the colonoscopy the following week.
Tuesday was spent near the loo as I wasn’t allowed to eat any solid food, I could only drink laxatives that the hospital had provided. Why does all food look so good when you can’t eat?.
Wednesday arrived, my “escort” Lisa and I set off. I wasn’t actually nervous, kinda numb. We arrive to a very busy hospital. We thought we’d be waiting ages, but no, we were in the assessment room within a few minutes. Obs were taken. The nurse commented how high my blood pressure was. It was high when I’d visited A&E at the weekend, I brushed it of as being white coat” syndrome. I Ignored it.
Time to go and have the procedure. Now not the most elegant of positions, but the meds were kicking in, so any embarrassment was short lived. I drifted between not knowing anything at all and pain, severe pain, I remember trying to push the doctor away. *No one on the YouTube videos said it hurt!!*. with that all done I’m taken to the ward in till the medication has wore off. Now I just wanted to go home. The Nurse finally arrived with my “escort”. She then told me I had colitis. I’d not really heard much about it before or entirely knew what it was. At home I read the report. Ulcerative colitis of the entire colon and rectum. Oh ok I thought, it still didn’t really sink in, I’d no idea of what the future was going to hold for me. I Imagined they’d just give me some meds, it would clear up and all would be good. How wrong I was.
I googled “ulcerative colitis”, off all the stupid things to do. why did I do that? I kept googling in the hope what I’d read so far was wrong. It wasn’t looking good.
I started to think about what the future would hold. Having my entire Colon taken away & a colostomy bag attached, Diarrhea, Stomach pain/cramps, Pain in my joints, Weight loss ( I don’t mind that one) Tiredness, Passing of Blood, Vomiting, Hair thinning, Renal failure, the medication I’m taking “Asacol” is, the Dr tells me fantastic but the risk of renal failure is extremely high. Great I’m thinking I’m now taking 6 of those bad boys a day. Because of the Asacol I have to have blood tests every couple of month to monitor my kidney function. Theres A Greater risk of infection, Brittle bones, the list is endless. As with anything ulcerative there’s a much higher chance of cancer developing. Humiliation and pain? So not only will I be on meds for the rest of my life, I will most likely suffer from most of the above too. FML.
Now it may sound as if I’m feeling sorry for myself, and some may say I should pull myself together. They would be right. I know I’m blessed that I’m still breathing. But today, right now, right this minute, BLOODY RIGHT I’m feeling sorry for myself. This Is happening to me, to my body. Since being diagnosed it’s constantly on my mind. I now monitor going to the loo FFS. So yes I’m feeling sorry for myself, I’m feeling angry, sad, depressed and quite frankly scared. Ironically I thought about blogging this whilst I was sat on the Loo. Tomorrow I’ll be fine, but today please today let me just wallow. Or if you see me queuing for the toilet at least let me jump in front.
Now not meaning to scaremonger and I’m not saying we should worry every time we get diarrhea, pain or pass blood. However I do think we should make more time for those little things we brush to one side, be more aware of what our bodies are trying to tell us, what they are trying to warn us about. Without knowing it, those little things we brush aside are getting bigger, just waiting to potentially turn your life upside down. It’s your body, you are solely responsible for it’s maintenance. Your health isn’t any less important than anyone else’s. Bowel movements are such a taboo subject, and It shouldn’t be, we all do it. Talking about your bowels won’t shock a doctor, it’s what they do. Sometimes when I’m washing a patient male or female they have said to me “this isn’t a not a nice job for you doing this”, they are embarrassed. We seriously don’t it given a second thought though. When you’ve seen as many vaginas, bums and penis’s as I’ve seen, all you think about is washing, checking for sores, putting on a barrier cream and making sure that the patient is comfortable. So please if you’ve noticed any changes in your bowel movements, go and see your doctor. You should not be worried or be embarrassed. They’ve seen and heard it all before. You could save yourself from something potential serious.
Further monitoring found that I didn’t have “white coat syndrome” I have the “silent killer” high blood pressure. This being something that would have gone undiscovered if I’d not been to the doctor.
I’ve rambled haven’t I? Sorry, or am I.
There are many sites out there about the condition but this one Crohnsandcolitis is one that my consultant recommended. Very informative and helpful and gives you some insight what a loved one is going through if they have Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis, or if you’ve just been diagnosed yourself.